Okay. . . well I said this was a blog about the first year of school for Finn and Rain and technically for most of the past 4 months there has been no school. The reality is that I am back in school to pursue my M.Ed. and I don't know where the time has gone. Additionally, anytime I entertain the idea of trying to catch up on the blog -- to fill you in on how we have have gotten from April to present -- I am utterly daunted and watch TV.
So here it is the night before Finn starts school and the only excuse not blog is too exercise. It is clearly too late for that, so I blog. Tonight wraps up a week of vacation at home for our family. We stayed at home taking shelter from the tumult of the last days in August. We did lots of art projects and made a trip to Hocking Hills. We capped it all off today with a busy schedule of breakfast with great-grandparents and grandparents (complete with a trip to the pool); then a mad dash to Rain's K/1 picnic. We topped it all off with a grand summer supper with Paul and Elizabeth of fresh pasta with pesto (with basil form our gardens) and heirloom tomato and mozzarella salad. It had even cooled off enough to dine outside.
We raced to get everyone to bed early; we lost, but finally Rain and Finn were asleep and I could dash to the store for last minute lunch box necessities and such. After a little PTA business, here I am. I am sitting on our deck we built in June enjoying the crickets and the cool breeze by candle light (only briefly interrupted by a loud cat fight)as I blog to avoid my melancholy.
This is a new step for Finn as he goes the full day to preschool (8:30-3:30) a full year before Rain spent such a long day in Kindergarten. Aside from the minor guilt (Rain had that extra year of nursing, too, on Finn) this is more than just the new beginning of full-time school life for my last baby. This is definitively the last few hours of my time at home parenting my young children. My life as god has run its course. This is not to say that I will no longer parent or be god from time to time, but these sweet days of -- diapers, nursing, parks, libraries, museums, art projects, frustration, isolation, fear, contempt, peace, love, more peace, more love and unadulterated joy -- have changed into the new rhythms of a different kind of life.
In actuality the change had come. So subtly. So seamlessly. The liberating force of their burgeoning independence and place in the world beyond our tiny family blinded me to the loss. What feels like loss on this night is so much more and holds such beauty and promise, but tonight I indulge. I grieve. Tomorrow celebration. I hope.
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3 comments:
Are you there God, it's me Pappy...you have done so much to make Rain and Finn ready to embrace life by teaching them to love and to laugh. While I know you will grieve for what seems to be leaving you...I know that what will come will be equally as exciting and frightening and fulfilling. I don't worry about how Rain and Finn will face these things...you have made them ready. We both know that when life gets too confusing, they still need their mommy God. I mean, do I have to remind you of Rain at the front door? You have so much to be proud of for how you have prepared them for this part of their life...and hey, your first born still needs your parenting! I love!
You are such a good mom! I so enjoyed seeing you in action. It is very inspiring to me.
Good to see that you are back!
This is so sweet it's making me cry. But one question haunts me...What about your tooth? Did you get it fixed?
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